Date: 2008-12-31 07:01 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

look at me posting on livejournal! yes i'm drunk...yes it's 7 in the morning on new years eve...shut up

Date: 2008-06-24 15:41 Subject: rob zombie is cool Security: Public

here's a poster for his next movie which looks totally badass on all sorts of levels

Date: 2008-06-18 23:59 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

SO the author of The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z, is Max Brooks who is Mel Brooks son. Anyway I had no idea just thought that was interesting

Date: 2008-05-21 23:00 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

do a google search for "will of God" and see the hilarious results that pop up

Date: 2008-04-23 00:41 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

hmmm good point MAYBE!

Date: 2008-04-19 16:12 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: drained

OBAMA BRUSHED HIS SHOULDER OFF!!!!! HE LISTENS TO JAY-Z!!!! HE SUCKS AT BOWLING!!!!!

He is like running for the highest office in all the land and stuff, but like he totally sucks at bowling...but he listens to Jay-z! I'M SO CONFLICTED, please Joe Scarborough tell me what to think...

Yesterday, Obama's campaign spokesman, Tommy Vietor, would say only this: "He has some Jay-Z on his iPod."

STOP THE PRESSES! he has an ipod! And there's jay-z on that ipod! I heard his middle name is saddam and he could be like part black or something. Is it a slow news day or is the media secretly run by 13 year old girls?

Date: 2008-04-04 04:34 Subject: I mades an interwebs video! Security: Public

Here's part 1 of 3...this is for mature audiences only:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXOKf_5FuIQ

Date: 2008-03-29 00:48 Subject: Man Caught Having Sex with a Picnic Table Security: Public

BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond.

Date: 2008-03-22 03:38 Subject: you used be to be cool man.... Security: Public

My name is tyler and I'm addicted to loveline. I think it's the best fucking radio show of all time. I'm talking old school of course with Adam Carolla and Dr Drew not this new horseshit with that homo "stryker." I wish David Allen Grier had become the new host instead of this asshole



I went to lovelinearchive.com to download an episode or two to listen to tomorrow while I'm at work. The person that ran the site had a posting about how a recent episode had Adam Carolla as a guest and he wasn't going to post it but that it could be heard at the offical loveline website.

So I go and try to download it, this is where I get pissed: YOU HAVE TO PAY A FUCKING FEE TO LISTEN TO OR DOWNLOAD THE LOVELINE PODCAST...I shit you not. It's like 4.95 a month or 49.95 for a years membership. The only free option available is streaming the first 10 minutes of a show...I'm sorry did I miss the fucking memo, since when do you have to pay for a podcast?
If loveline didn't suck anymore and if an affiliate in austin played the show I could listen for free, but they are charging.

I'm asking myself if 5 dollars is worth it to download an hour and a half radio show, I'll let you know what I decide.

Until then everyone goto this website http://home.comcast.net/~beefypapal/Pages/DFauntleroy.htm
and watch the awesomely awesome loveline flash cartoons

Date: 2008-03-17 13:15 Subject: sxsw Security: Public

I saw lyrics Born and EL-p and a bunch of other bands I had never heard of before...I missed the GZA, Del the funky homosapien (his show time got switched GAY) and ice cube which is disappointing but all in all it was a good time

Date: 2008-03-13 22:42 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

work is over...but swsx begins!!!!

Date: 2008-02-29 02:27 Subject: Confessions of a delivery driver....(looooong post, bonus funny mugshot pic at the end!) Security: Public Location: limbo Mood: depressed Music: alice in chains

Thoughtful confessions:

I drive a car in circles eight hours a day. Twelve on the weekends. I deliver pizza to these houses. Red brick houses with three car garages filled with auto-mobiles, boats and keys to shiny aeroplanes. But these houses have doorbells that don't work. The painted addresses have long since faded from the curbs and bright stickers in the windows plead for firemen to save Mr. Whiskers in the event of a catastrophic fire or flood.

Almost every house has a dog, and almost every parent I meet treat their children like dogs. Through the door they scream, holler and whine at their offspring. But when the door opens, unsurprisingly, it's all grins and candy canes.

When I approach these houses, I try to guess what the occupants will be like. Will they be scruffy and mean low-life no tipping scandrels? Will they offer me a drink and invite me into their homes? I prefer the scandrels, even if they don't tip well; the ones that invite me in scare me the most and I always politely refuse. I take two steps back and tell them I left my car running or that it's against company policy. "No thanks Mr. Serial Killer! I don't want to die today!" That's what I'd like to say, but I think my tips would go down quite a bit.



When I encounter a drunk/elderly/dumb customer, sometimes they reach out and grab my pizza bag. If I resist they become indignant, glaring at me through animal eyes, "Give me my pizza you scallywag!" Thats what their eyes say. Sometimes I surrender and let them have the bag. Suddenly the animals are confused, and wonder why I let them have it. They are embarrassed and afraid; I sense an underlying anger still boils, since it was I after all who put them in this situation.

I am always smiling and very polite, you'd never guess how much I hate you if I delivered your pizza. All my regular customers know my name, but I make a conscience choice not to learn theirs.

Angry confessions:


Everyone always asks if it's busy tonight. That's kind of the definition of work, I'm not delivering you food to your front door in my "free time," and I have 15 more people waiting to know if it's busy so cut the small talk and shut the fuck up. If you have something of importance to say, something of relevance, I have no problem with that. I have interesting conversations occasionally, but I don't want to talk about nothing so hurry up.

Also you mother fucking scumbags, if I'm bringing you food you better turn your damned porch light on and have the check already written out before I arrive. By the way if I told you how many time's I've had to spell "PIZZA" you'd probably kill yourself. It makes me sick that we live in a country where at least 35% of the pizza buying population are functionally retarded.

some annoying customers:

Jam Throngmorton:

This guy has the funniest name ever, I can't make this shit up. Everytime I deliver to him it smells like he just took a big shit in his living room and then tried to cover it up with marijuana and incense.

Nancy:

One of the worst types. She's the kind of person that will tell you all of her personal problems. She wears her sunglasses at night, just like the song. She always reminds me it's because she's been crying, and then tells me why. You know like, her father died/ her daughter's in jail/the neighborhood dog watcher broke her lamp/I ran over her mailbox. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU NANCY! Out of the like 50 times I've taken pizza to her at least 4 times police have been there. The first time this happened one of the cops answered the door and told me to wait. So I waited for like 10 minutes.(an eternity in pizza delivery world) Here's a tip bitch don't order pizza and call the cops at the same time. When she finally came to the door, drunk by the way or high on pills. I had to sign for her. She said to me, and this is an exact quote, "The police are here, don't worry I won't kill you" THANKS LADY!

The Inquistors:

Ok this doesn't have to do with delivery but while at the resturant I do everything which includes answering phones/taking orders. These people ask you a million questions about everything. Or just one stupid question that drives you insane for the rest of your life. Like asking you to name off every single one of the 50 toppings we have available. The most frustrating example of this type of person goes like this...

me: Hello how can I help you?
dumbass: Hi hello, I was wondering, are your tomatoes REAL tomatoes?
me:...

YOU FUCKING PRICK! YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT ASSHOLE! YES THEY ARE REAL. I hope the devil has a special place in hell for people like this. I can't relay into words how angry these types of situations make me so i'll just move on.



In conclusion I've learned while working at this pizza place that how much money you make is directly proportional to how much you hate doing your job.

I know only like 4 people read this, and I am pissed off right now and I know that none of you have ever seen me even close to angry. If you want to make me feel better please follow these instructions...

If your name starts with the letter 'C': CALL ME! ANYTIME!
If your name starts with the letter 'T': WRITE ME A LETTER! (address upon request)
If your name starts with the letter 'M': DRAW OR PAINT ME A PICTURE WITH BADGERS SOMEHOW INVOLVED!
If your name starts with the letter "J": GIVE ME FREE AIRPLANE TICKETS TO LIKE ITALY OR SOME SHIT!

Date: 2008-02-06 00:51 Subject: pics Security: Public

this one is blurry but in the middle you can see a girl standing on the car about to bust her head on the windshield



and here's after some drunk dudes punched it a few times

Date: 2008-02-05 22:45 Subject: bums have no ethics Security: Public

I went to a party on saturday and got in a scuffle with some bums. I was just minding my own business drinking beer and talking to this guy about the wu-tang clan when I heard some yelling at the other side of the party. I don't know what happened but two bums had started a fight with a couple of my friends. One bum with a mo-hawk broke a beer bottle on this guys head. I ran over and grabbed him by the collar and threw him on the ground and kicked him a few times in the neck and then his smelly friend tackled me. Some other people pulled him off of me and they scurried away into the night like the rats that they were. They came back like 2 hours later, this time there were 3 bums and one of them had a golf club. Anyway someone ended up calling the cops and they showed up and arrested the bums for public intoxication. My friend had his glasses broken but i came away with just a bruise or two.

Also during the party this chick started dancing on top of a car that was parked in the middle of the event. When she was trying to get down she slipped and smashed her head on the windshield making a huge spiderweb crack. Later that night some guys started punching the windshield which sucks cause the guy who owned the car wasn't even there and it got pretty much destroyed.

Date: 2008-02-02 16:41 Subject: I gots a new phone Security: Public

here are some funny mugshots to celebrate